It feels so wild to me that I’m working on writing my daughter’s birth story while sitting in her room in the Hershey Medical Center PICU. She’s just over 2 weeks old and she’s spent more time on this medical floor that she has in her own home. In a lot of ways, its heartbreaking. This is never how we envisioned this season of life starting. It’s overwhelming sometimes to think about the possible long-term effects that her seizures may have caused. It’s frustrating to wash pumping supplies for the 8th time of the day because my daughter has a feeding tube. It’s hard to tell Nora each morning that it isn’t quite time for her sister to come home. It’s hard to walk into her room and not know when she’ll sleep there next…and then the anxiety that comes with even thinking about her care without the support of a medical team. It’s all a lot. But at the same time, she’s still here. A week ago, I wasn’t sure that was going to be her story.

I was 39 weeks pregnant when I decided it was time to schedule our second daughter’s arrival. I never really planned on being induced, but life circumstances, a challenging previous delivery, and the constant weight of impending birth gave me enough stress to decide that this was going to be what was best for me and for our family.

Saturday, November 21st at 8am, Dillon and I arrived at the hospital with the plan of bringing Marlee into this world. After a few hours of waiting, the nurse came in and started the induction process. It took a few hours for everything to sink in, but around 7pm, the hot baths and cross-word puzzles weren’t distracting me any longer from the pain of the contractions. I eagerly got an epidural shortly after and felt such relief. However, this time around, the epidural really messed with my system. I was so nauseous, got severe shakes, and felt so dizzy and when it came time to push, I had very little energy left. However, in about 10 minutes and 3 pushes, Marlee Rae Ober Sider made her way into our world at 12:58 am, screaming her little head off. She was the same 21 inches as her older sister, and a full pound lighter at 8 lbs 6 oz.

My entire pregnancy with Marlee was so different than with Nora. I found out I was expecting on the same day our state shut down due to the pandemic. Shortly after, I found myself home full-time with Nora due to a job lay-off and to top it all off, I had terrible morning (or all-day) sickness. At one point, I remember throwing up in a bucket on the kitchen floor while tossing pieces of chocolate to my toddler across the room so she wouldn’t notice my violent sickness. My body had a hard time being pregnant, but one thing that didn’t change a bit was that this girl was deeply wanted from the very beginning.

And the first 5 days we had together at home, she was a dream. Ate like a champ. Slept like a boss. She slipped right into our family like it’s where she was always meant to be. Witnessing her seizures and calling the ambulance and spending the entire day bouncing from the ER to the PICU will always be one of the worst days of my life. But it solidified something in me that I didn’t realize was wavering. I always wondered if I had the capacity to be a good mom to both of my girls. Some days, being a mom to just one kiddo felt like a lot. But on that day, I was reminded that when it’s needed, God grows our capacity. What we never thought we were possible of handling, we handle. What we never thought we could trudge through, we dig our heels in deep and find a way. Our capacity grows when needed, and typically not a minute before.

“But he gives more grace” - James 4:6

And though I have no idea what the next hour holds for Marlee (let alone the next 40 years) I can look back on this season and know that God gave what was needed when it was needed. I’m tearfully thankful for both of my girls and the ways they continue to teach me more about myself and more about God’s grace.

Welcome to the Sider circus Marlee Rae. We’re really glad you’re here.