Creativity and Fear
When I was younger, I was so unbelievably cautious. I didn't like roller-coasters. I hated going into the ocean. I didn't particularly like going too fast or letting others drive or exploring new places without a map. Scary movies? Nope. I was perfectly content, staying home, sitting on the sidelines, and playing it safe. If there was any potential risk involved, I wasn't not interested.
And as much as I hate admitting it, I'm still very much a person who lives cautiously. Believe me when I say it takes WORK for me to step into the unknown. Whether that be moving, buying a house, learning a new skill, changing up my style, or putting my thoughts into cyberspace for the world to read. It does not come naturally. I wrestle with myself for hours and hours and hours before launching into something new and unfamiliar. It is not my natural bent to be risky. I fear embarrassment. I fear failure. I fear being misunderstood or judged. And more often than not, I let those fears heavily influence my life.
But then I became a Mom.
And while "fear" in general is not gone (fear of choking, allergic reactions, sickness, injury, etc.), I have become more fearful of the ways that living small and cautiously will impact my daughter. I am fearful of the lessons I will accidentally teach her by playing it too safe.
I want Nora to swing for the fences. Dream big. Trust in God more than herself. Try new things. Explore. Create. Expect and embrace failure.
And I started thinking that if I wanted all of those things for her, I was going to lead by example. I was going to have to show her how it's done.
I've been sitting on a dream for a little while now, mostly because of the fear of not being "good enough" and the fear of failing in front of others. But here I am, putting my work out there for others to see.
I've been taking photos and exploring what it's like to capture real families; authentic, genuine, and unscripted. Motherhood, for me, has changed my perspective on life. Before, I would look at my unfinished house and see a whole list of reasons why my life wasn't photo-worthy. Those reasons would keep me from wanting to document the things that happened within our tiny home. But when I had Nora, everything changed for me. I want to remember the bright yellow kitchen and the leaky sink where she had her first bath. I want to remember the moments of feeding Nora her first foods on the floor because we didn't have space for a table. I want to remember the wood-paneling, the creepy cat light-switch cover, and the fruit wallpaper, because all of those things represent the first home we ever purchased together as a couple. I've become consumed with embracing my life, as-is, and wanting to capture the lives of others in a way that is genuine, authentic, messy and beautiful, all at the same time.
And I want to invite YOU into the process. I want you to shake off your own fear of things "not being perfect" and let me into your space to share your family's story, as it really is. No posing. No forced smiles. Just your real life.
Because your family is worth capturing, just as it is. Your story is worth telling, just as it is. And these are the days you are going to want to remember, just as they are.
So if any of this connects with you, send me a message. I’d love to be a part of your family, even if only for an afternoon, and capture your story in a way that honors the legacy being written within your home.