I always thought I would see it coming.  I’m pretty perceptive and can usually pick up on social cues.  However, little did I know that the last time I crossed the border into Canada, would be the last time that I drove to go visit my boyfriend.  

Because last night we got engaged.  For reals, for reals, engaged.  

So I no longer have a boyfriend, I have a fiancé.

Little did I realize how much I would love saying and hearing that little French word.  Fiancé, Fiancé, Fiancé.

The proposal was so unexpected.  It happened around a campfire with sparklers and close friends and the entire time all I could think was, “Is he serious? Is this for real?”  In the midst of that I had my best friend, down on one knee, asking me to spend the rest of our lives together.  To be honest, I can’t think of spending my life any other way.

Because this word, fiance, is now a new part of my vocabulary, I decided to look up what it means.  Not only does it mean engaged to be married, but its got Latin roots and it means "to promise" and "to trust".  

It has been a fun transition from dating to engaged.  All of the hypothetical about life and visas and dreams, are now a reality that we are able to fully enter into.  I can shamelessly search through wedding magazines and pinterest boards.  I am allowed to get excited. 

A few times over the past week I have had to remind myself of this.  I am allowed to plan a life with Dillon and get excited about where we are and where we are headed.  I am allowed to love his family and he is allowed to become a part of mine.  I don’t have to play it so safe anymore, and boy is it a good feeling.

For the first time in a long time the uncertainty of the future doesn’t freak me out.  Instead I am finding a lot of freedom in the mystery and I look forward to uncovering it piece by piece, with my best friend by my side.

And in the midst of this season of excitement, I am learning something even more valuable, something I wish I could have understood years ago.  When this moment comes and you find yourself staring into the eyes of the man you love, all of the years of singleness and the friday nights spent alone and the valentines days spent watching chick flick re-runs on the couch by yourself, gorging on chocolate...all those moments don't seem to matter.  In fact, if I had to do it all again and if spending my life with Dill meant I had to wait even longer, I would do it in a heartbeat.  (But thank you Jesus I don't have to!)

If I knew that this was what I had coming, I could've been more patient.  If I could go back in time and tell myself something, it would be this: "Relax girl.  You've got no idea what's coming, and its going to be a glorious unfolding".

Ashley Sider